Let's Talk about Sex: And what we're doing wrong.

I was going to write a GRL related wrap up post tonight. I had grand intentions of just fan girling all over the place. I met so many people this year. And in my opinion this was the best of the three GRLs I've been to. I really want the organizers to know that I had a blast.

But instead of name dropping my way through a long boring post that I've pretty much already yakked to death over on Facebook I want to write about one of the two topics that was on a loop this whole week. One. Not the other. I wouldn't touch that topic with a live octopus secured to the end of a ten foot pole. Don't ask I won't tell. Anyway....we as female authors of gay sex are getting it wrong.


I'm not even upset about it. Because for the most part it's true. Why yes, most of the sex you read is not realistic. Some of it is down right wrong. Some of it is hilarious.

Now before I go on I'm going to do this. I'm taking the "gay" part out of this. I'm not going to talk about GAY sex. I'm going to talk about genderless sex and body parts all humans share. Anal sex. Gay, straight...hopefully human in origin because really I don't want to know otherwise.

I'm not a gay man. I'm not a straight man. I'm not a man at all. I don't want to be a man. I don't have penis envy. I don't think men are better than women. I don't think women are better than men. Cold hard fact is this. I am a straight woman who has been in a monogamous relationship for twenty-six years. And if you've ever tried to keep a relationship going for even twenty-six days, weeks or months, imagine what it's like to be with one person for that many years. Sex has not always been easy. Small children. Illness. The years I worked day shift and he worked night shift. Sex in a busy household is....yeah...anyway, point is you have one person to experiment with and things get stuck in places other than intended sometimes accidentally. Other times on purpose. Sometimes anal happens. And strangely sometimes it's preferred. Ahhh, yeah TMI...but...the myth that women don't like it and that straight men don't have it are just that, myths. Does that mean I understand the gay experience and know all there is to know about it? Absolutely not. That's why research and asking questions of, gasp, genuine gay dudes comes in handy. Having a gay best friend who is willing to tell me anything I want to know...and so much that I really don't want to know...has been an eye opening experience.

I'm not going to say that I get it right. That I KNOW and am an EXPERT. Because I'm not. I'm not gay or male or single. I've never even dated anyone other than the man I married when I was 19. I have a singular experience....well 26 years of singular experiences. In every way possible short of whips and cuffs and leather and a swing in the corner....because children happened. And neither of us have that kink. We agreed on a threesome once. Problem is we both had different ideas as to the gender of the third....so it never happened.

So that brings me to the point of all of this. The reality of gay or anal sex versus gay or anal sex in fiction.

I think the most important part of this discussion is this. I write gay erotic romance. And yes I've made some "errors" along the way. I put errors in quotes for a reason. But again I write gay erotic romance. I do not write gay literature. Gay literature is in my definition of the genre, limited to the gay experience. Written by men for the most part. With topics that depict the culture, hardships, triumphs, you name it. I don't write that. I can't write that. It's not my truth to tell.

What I do write is MM erotic romance. Which is generally accepted as romance written by straight women for straight women featuring gay male protagonists. It's fantasy with roots in fan fiction and the Yaoi books. What I do not write in this is fan fiction and I've never even laid eyes on a Yaoi so when I began writing MM I was completely unaware that there was a set of rules that the fandom had laid down long before. I was not aware that I was breaking pretty much all of those rules when I wrote my first four books. I soon learned the hard way that I had crossed so many lines.

My background is MF romance. Or het as we call it. I learned my craft by reading and writing romantic fiction published by the big New York houses in the 90s and the 00s. I learned to craft a story based on requirements by those publishing houses. I learned that the reality of sex is not what publishers will publish. The reality of sex isn't romantic. It's dirty. I don't mean as in filth that you hide under the bed and pretend you're offended by in public. I don't mean dirty as in spank bank material. I mean it's bodily fluids and farts and queefs and shit and piss and stench and disease. It's dirty. Period. And that's not sexy.

Back then there was a laundry list of things you did not write about. I'm sure there is now. Golden showers. Scat play. Felching. Anal was frowned upon back then. No anal in het. Good girls did not do that. And all het rom heroines were so good they were PollyAnna....on a trip to Dallas (if you get that reference you're a sick twisted person, friend me on FB you might like me)......anyway, that's how it was and probably still is. Condoms were used. Or if you did not use condoms you had to have "the talk". You know "the talk", I'm clean, I swear I haven't banged any hookers or joined in any hazing over at the frat house after an all nighter with bongs beers porn and no little sisters in sight.

Are you following me so far?

In the last sixteen years since I started researching romance publishing very little has changed in that regard. You will still find a list of things on a publishers website that they will not publish. Condom use is still very much a requirement or the talk is still expected if you choose not to use them.

You can't write reality. Because reality is dirty.

But as a writer and a story teller there's so much about real life that we don't write. We, well, I don't write about bathroom visits. I don't write about people brushing their teeth. Or shaving their pits or pubes. I don't write about people going to the toilet. I don't. It's implied or inferred or whatever word works best. We shower, we practice basic hygiene. We dress we go out and do that part of the story that matters. Unless you want your characters to shave each other or shower together...or teeth brushing as foreplay...whatever....those things MUST BE PART OF THE STORY or you're just adding in unneeded words for  no reason.

Okay, you're wondering what the hell I'm talking about and why it matters and what any of this has to do with sex....teeth brushing is sexy sexy fun I tell you........and the reality of gay sex that we as female writers are getting wrong.

Soooo let's talk reality. Let's start with condoms.

Fact: I hate condoms. I loathe them. I'm allergic to them. I hate writing about them. I just hate them. But if I choose not to use condoms in gay sex scenes I get slammed for being irresponsible and promoting and glamorizing unsafe sex.

Fact: Gay men don't use condoms...unless they do.

Lube....well, lube isn't always absolutely one hundred percent necessary even for non self lubricating males....as my friend said "if it ain't spit, it ain't love". I tend to think I really don't want anyone spitting in my ass but then I'm self lubricating in other parts so I've never really thought much about that. But again....yeah those pesky rules I never knew existed that still exist. Lube must always be used. Always. Because...well, because.

Scissor fingers.........oh my God. Prep scenes turn me off so so much. Lube, one finger stretch, two fingers stretch, scissor scissor........no....just no. From personal experience I don't want any fingers up my ass. I'm sorry I don't. It's not comfortable. There are finger nails involved and it's not necessary to stretch it unless you're going to drive a Honda up there or something. Even a virgin asshole will open around the blunt penis head if time and care is taken. Does it hurt? Sometimes. Not all the time. Going slowly to allow each sphincter a chance to relax and open is all that's absolutely required. Unless finger play is enjoyed, then have at it.....Reference...my friend was horrified the first time he read a scissor finger scene...he was quite vocal. Look at it this way, it expands enough to pass whatever comes from the inside out, it'll expand the opposite way as well....lord love you if you're passing small Hondas....you might want to get that checked.

And uh....well....cleanliness. We don't talk about cleanliness. Going back to that personal hygiene being implied part up there. No I'm not going to write about enema usage. I'm not. I don't want to read about it. Yes it's part of sex. I suppose it's a personal choice. I haven't ever taken a poll of the gay men that I know to see if they do or don't....and uh...yeah, so to put this in perspective from the female side of the story....I'm never going to write a het romance that features the heroine douching before a big date just in case she gets lucky that night. It's a thing. It's part of that thing that nobody wants to read about. It's not sexy and implied or inferred or....yeah, bodily functions and smells and who hasn't farted during sex, or for a female queeffed (pussy fart)....it's all not part of the fantasy. And it's fantasy that people are buying. Not how to prepare for sex 101. I want to read the hot and heavy not the stinky and juicy.

And for the love of all that's holy stop saying LAVED for licked. To lave means to wash. I read that as he washed his dick...with his tongue....or her tongue....and I'm wondering if I wandered into some really bad cat shifter porn run amok.

If I am completely off base with anything I've written then comment. Open the channels of discussion. Who knows, maybe the writers of the rules are the ones who're right and I'm a complete idiot with the wrong kind of gay friends....but not about that Laved part...just stop please for the love of....somebody go back to the 80s and thump the first person to use that word in the freakin forehead and tell her to step away from the thesaurus.

The moral of this story, when in doubt ask someone for advice. And if scissor fingers really is a thing, then we've been doing it wrong for nearly three decades....unless it's only man ass that needs scissoring.

As opinionated as ever.

Yours truly,


The cat is out of the bag and the beans are all over the floor.

I figured I couldn't keep dropping little snippets of mean on Facebook after announcing that I had scrapped the final Scrimmage book.

Yes I have decided not to write Last Man Standing. LMS WILL NOT BE THE FOURTH SCRIMMAGE BOOK! It may never be a book at all.

I had this idea of bringing in a new rookie quarterback to force Angel to fight for his job as Levi's successor. I had this grand idea that somehow I could bring in two completely unrelated new guys and write a sexy football book starring them AND still somehow pull all of the crazy that I left unfinished in the last three books into that storyline and tie everything up with a nice little bow.


Now I'm not going to say that Damien and Raphael's story is never going to happen. LMS may one day be written but as a stand alone short story inside the same Southern Scrimmage Universe. MAY. Or MAY NOT. I can't make that promise now.

I know that LMS isn't going to work because I started writing it three times. And the third time Bo and Dylan came out. Bo and Dylan started this story and had very minor roles in the second two books as Levi took over.

Well, they weren't happy about that. So fifty thousand words later Sunday Schooled has a cover and will be the fourth book in this series. It will close out the Bo-Levi driven arch. But it won't pick up where Jude left off. Instead it will tell the Sidelined and Offside Chance stories again but from Bo and Dylan's POV....and then it will pick up where Jude left off in OC and beyond closing out all three couple's stories.

So if you ever wondered how Bo met Liv...that will be answered. Let's just say pink leather chaps play a big part in that meeting.

Now for the release date....hahahahahaha....oh you really want to know....50k out of a possible 150k words...fingers crossed for December. Maybe. Most likely January.

Sooo now that I spilled the beans over on Face Book I feel so much better about the course of this series.

Now the lovely cover....and please again, I ask that it doesn't get posted on Goodreads. Not yet.



What's Going On! Where'd it all go?

It's all gone. Yep. It is.

First for the book orders page. I'll have that available again after I return from GRL. I apologize for any inconvenience but I won't be able to ship books for at least two weeks soooo yeah...if you're still interested then I'll be happy to get those out to you.

About the news sections....so much has changed in the last couple of days. I've made a decision that well, frankly, is not a happy decision. I've hit a point in my personal life that I have to be realistic as to my abilities.....soooo

Updated News.

I've decided that Last Man Standing is not going to happen. I've apologized to the cover artist for wasting her time. I've started that story three times but the truth is adding a fourth couple to this mess is too confusing and takes it too far away from the ongoing storyline.

Wait, don't scream at me yet.

The series will have a fourth and final book. It will. I swear. I'm most of the way through the story now. But I'm not ready to discuss it in public. The couple from LMS will be a part of the book but not the main couple. Instead it will be told from a previous couple's POV. ONLY!....and it will bring everything that was left open to a close.

I don't know when it will be finished. I don't know how long it will be. It's at 43 thousand words now. I'm barely even begun. This could end up being around 200 thousand words.

Again my apologies. The dynamics for that book did not work. And this is the only way to tell the final story.

About the future.

I don't know right now. I want to go a different route. I want to move away from the angst filled books. I want to write more male/female centric stories. I don't plan to abandon my male/male. I plan to write more paranormal, even though the couple of books I currently have out haven't been well received.

So what is absolute.

The final Southern Scrimmage book. Not Last Man Standing.
The second Shifter book in the spring.
A couple of M/F short stories spun off from the Scrimmage series. Bo's cousin. Tracy's sister.

There will be no further Cold books. I've danced around that question for years. I will not release the second book and the third book will never be written. I'm leaving In from the Cold as a stand alone. It ended. They moved on from there. The end.

I have no plans to write the second twincest book. And to anyone planning a twincest book......Hahahahahaha...okay...only for the fun of it...because no one will host it.

Other absolutes.

I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I've just chosen to re-evaluate what I want to write and how I want to market myself.

And right now with no current books looming I'm choosing to not blog. When I'm ready to reveal the cover for the final Scrimmage book I'll be back.

If you're going to GRL in Chicago, see you there.