Thursday, March 8, 2018

Epiphany and other Epiphanies

I've been trying to finish the book I started for NaNo in November. Epiphany. You might remember me talking about publishing it months ago. Well, it is still not finished. I sort of stopped working on it for three months.

I don't understand this story. It's running me around in circles. It's not a romance. But it is a romance. There's no sex. Not really. Nothing graphic. The hero isn't what he seems. And there's a second love interest. So it's going to be my first love triangle, that doesn't become a menage story. The guy in the middle will make a choice. But he's not choosing between two options... and then a secondary character came in and made her presence known and became central to the plot and now I have two main characters and two secondary characters and two thirdendary characters and a cast of others that are driving me around a twist... and it doesn't know what it is... and it's not ever going to end. And the leprechaun. Let's not forget the leprechaun. I am not kidding about the leprechaun. He's not a joke. I joke a lot... not about leprechauns. I take my leprechauns seriously.

So I gave up trying to define this one. I'm world building for a series. And that always works well for me. That was sarcasm. I world built two books nobody hardly read. I will one day write the sequel to one of those. It's on my bucket list.

But... I'm writing these shorts for Patreon and the Scrimmage boys are coming back to life for me. And I'm writing Blindsided completely wrong. Oh, the story I want to tell is there, but it's not right. That's why I've been struggling with the book. It's going to be long. It's going to be complicated. It's going to tear me apart to write. It's supposed to be from Jude and Levi's POVs. Alternating. It's supposed to be their story. It's supposed to end all story lines that involve Levi. But they all involve Levi and there's no way Bo and Dylan can be minor players in this story like they were in the last three books. Dylan and Levi are central to this story. Dylan and Levi are the two broken wheels in this whole trip. Dylan has to have a POV. And then there's the fourth couple... Sully and Raf. Sully has to be in this one, his story collides with Levi's.... and how the fuck do you bring home a series in one story? I wrote Bootleg Diva and Last Man Standing with hopes that I could make Blindsided tighter... I can't. It's going to kill me. It's going to be one thousand pages long... I might not be kidding there. I hope to god I'm kidding.

But I'm writing these shorts and right now I'm writing a scene from Dylan's POV as a follow up to Levi's POV in the Stuck in Traffic serial. And Dylan has a lot to say. His mind is agitated.

Sometimes I wonder if readers understand that Dylan is broken. I've tried to convey that he's not fully recovered throughout. I need to write him a full backstory. I need to write what would have been Sunday Schooled, picking up where Any Given Sunday ended. From his POV. But in those first months he didn't have a POV. He didn't have anything but rage and pain or periods of nothing. For a long time. that's how it would work with someone who went through what he went through. And I don't know if I can write his story. I don't know if I can breathe life into him in the way that he needs. I get Levi. Levi in a way is me. Eli from Let it Go, is the closest to me you're ever going to get. His abuse is my abuse. Levi... Levi is part of that. Levi is the child who was abandoned by the parent who lived in the same house with them. Levi is the extreme of my experience. Levi I get. Dylan... not so much. They both suffer severe PTSD. Levi hides his behind Liv. Dylan doesn't hide his.

Blindsided isn't a romance. And it will tear everything apart before it puts them back together. There's no other way to put that. If you've read the books and read between the lines, you see that coming.

If you didn't get that... I failed as a writer.

Anyway, so much other little things going through my head today.

I'm aware of the drama. There is always drama in the MM writing community. Funny how it's always one of two topics. Always. Women shouldn't write MM or catphishing. Every damn time. You'd think after six or seven or twenty of these little scandals we'd all be used to it by now.

So, yeah, Mercy is a pen name. Never said it wasn't. My real name is in my bio and has been for years. I am exactly what I say I am. 49 year-old, mother of four, with three cats and a Dawg. What you see on social media is real. What you don't see is private and will always remain private. For whatever that is worth.

I'm going to finish Epiphany this month if it kills me. And I'm writing short Scrimmage stories for Patreon. The link is in a post somewhere. I'm cheap. Just want to afford to pay editors and maybe put out another audio book eventually. Trying to make people happy and stay sane. It's what I do.

Mercy

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