June End

 And we're at the halfway mark of this year. How'd that happen? I'm pretty sure I've gone completely gray this year from the stress of... waves vaguely at everything.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in to say that I've dropped the prices of nearly all of my books on every site they are available on to 2.99 or 3.99, US, and the equivalent outside the US. Except for the one series. You'll figure it out if you're looking. I have books on Amazon, Apple, Kobo, and Smashwords, click the covers >>>> for details and buy links.

But since I have you here, maybe I'll talk about writing and that I'm maybe actually doing that again. Slowly. Angrily. Okay, not angrily, just... I make myself sit and type words every day or so. Mostly I'm trying to jumpstart whatever used to make me want to write. Mostly I'm hate writing what I'm writing. 

What I'm writing is a story I started four years ago. I abandoned it. I've abandoned everything I've started in the last five or so years. I don't know. I lost the love of writing. I lost the reasons I wrote. The awful parts of publishing killed what I had left. And that's where I still am. PTSD! I write until I hit the panic attack part of it all. And that kicks the overly critical part of my brain into overdrive. It's bad. So bad. I suck. If I finish this it will be just for me because no one cares. Or worse. People will read it and tear it to shreds. If I don't finish it it can't be torn to shreds. Does it matter, until I finish that fucking football series nothing will sell. Good bad... doesn't matter. I hate that fucking football series with a fire I can't even begin to explain to anyone. I wish I'd never written it.

Does that sound bitter and angry? Sorry. It isn't. It's sad. I hate feeling that way. I hate the reason I wrote the first one. I hate the way the second one was torn to shreds. I loathe the third one. The rest don't matter. Don't even bother with them. The only reason you can still find those four is due to piracy. If I don't offer it, the pirates will. And that leads to the other part of why I don't write. Piracy killed me financially. As a 100% self-funded indie author I depended on the sales from legitimate book sellers to survive. And I didn't survive. 

But I'm trying to figure out who I am as a writer. If I'm even a writer anymore. Yes, I write about this quite often. It's what I struggle with. I wanted to be a writer since the 9th grade when I read The Outsiders just before the movie came out. (yes I'm that old) But I have no stories to tell anymore. And if I do the trauma of the middle years of my career destroyed my confidence. Of which I've never had much of.

If I do ever publish again, it won't be MM. Sorry. Most likely it won't be romance. I don't know what it will be. I don't know what the book I'm working on is. And I've written 71 thousand words so far of whatever it is.

But I digressed too far.

If you haven't grabbed one of my books, go grab it now while it's on sale. Or go get a free trial month of Kobo Plus to read most of them free. Try something other than the football books. I have 24 other options. 

Hope you are... waves vaguely again... doing as well as can be expected.

Peace 

Mercy

Mid-June Check-In

 Hey, how is everyone this fine Monday night?

I would say I can't complain, but we all know that's what I do best, so let's just say, it's a Monday and be done with it.

So, what's been happening since I last posted?

Not much. Just living in a sub-tropical sauna and trying to stay cool. That's about it.

I could talk about so many things like birthdays and finances and health. I'm not going to. I just don't feel like sharing that anymore. I could talk about writing and books. But I don't write or read anymore. Not really. I was working on a story I abandoned a couple years ago, but I'm at 70k words and it's just running in circles without knowing what it is or if there's an ending in sight. Not a clue, so I'm letting it go. I just don't have the mental capacity to write anything anymore. I could run it through AI and let it finish it, but hell, I'd rather never write another word than do that. I could just write a whole bunch of short sex scenes and call them books and be done with it. But I can't not plot. Everyone must have tragic backstories. You get a trauma and you get a trauma. 

I don't want to write about trauma anymore. My trauma won't let me write happy shit because it does not know what that is... if that makes sense.

And honestly, my oldest kid is approaching middle-age, I feel so weird writing about young people hooking up. No, 56 is not middle-aged. I'm old. I do not expect to make it 70 much less 112. I can move into a seniors only community. I can get AARP. I can't apparently get senior discounts without showing my ID, so I guess I still have that going for me.

So, there we have it, I'm old and out of touch. Maybe if I can settle the finances down a bit so I'm not constantly stressed, I'll start writing Golden Girl type stuff. Gen-X retirement home shenanigans set to Motley Crue and Milli Vanilli. That would be hilarious. Metallica and Madonna?

Anyway, that's what's going on. Hoping you're having a decent summer (or winter if you're in the other hemisphere), I'll chat at you later.

Peace,

Mercy

Changes in Attitudes Changes in Latitudes

 Welp, I could have titled this post Never Say Never but eh, I'm a bigger Jimmy Buffett fan than James Bond. 

So, it's been about a week, SURPRISE! For the ten or so of you who still read this blog I thought I'd let you know that I'm in the middle of making a change to 12 to 14 titles. Like, uh, going back to KU... don't hit me!

SIGHS! Only 10 titles are going back to KU. I went through the last 4 months of book sales, if you can call those sales, and decided to go ahead and return 10 titles to KU. I mean no sales or page reads anywhere off the zon or even on the zon, so I guess it doesn't matter where those are posted, and maybe, just maybe I can get some eyes on those titles. All of the newer non-series books. Every single one. Okay except Into the Gloaming, it seems to have found a small footing in wide release and I'm not going to stop it now. I mean, it's not doing double digit sales a month but at least it's getting close each month now, and that's better than it has done, maybe ever. I know it's long, really long, it was meant to kick off a series. I did the world building... and nothing. just crickets.

I decided to pull one series and add those two books in for flavor. I'll list the titles at the end of the post. 

But that's just 10 titles, didn't you say 12 to 14 titles?

I did. None of those titles are going to KU, 2 of those titles are only affected on Barnes & Noble, and 2 are getting archived permanently.

Double SIGHS! Barnes & Noble now appears to censor books. They hide them. I can't even find them by searching the title and author name. I can only find them through the link in the listing page. So why the hell bother keeping them there, so I pulled one to send to KU. One I can't send to KU. And the last does well on Kobo so it's just leaving B&N. 

And the other 2? My first two published books. The pre-Mercy pen name books. Through the Ghost published with Ellora's Cave imprint Cerridwen Press 20 years ago this August. It was the 13th published title with them, ever. I guess it was doomed from the get-go, if you believe in such things. And Sunny with a Chance was a short story I published with Ellora's Cave in early 2010. Neither did well. When I finally got my fights back to them I republished them, but they never were accepted, so, I'm done trying. I should have archived them years ago, but... shrugs. Doesn't matter.

But going back to Barnes & Noble, I still haven't listed the main Scrimmage books there, so really there's only about half of my backlist available there right now. I pulled Under a Crescent Moon, Beyond Complicated, and Double Coverage, because they were hidden from search. DC is going into KU, Moon can't, And BC is doing well in Kobo Plus, so right now I'm leaving it in.

So after going around the roundabout about six times, the books currently delisting from everywhere but Zon and Payhip are:

Behind Iron Lace

Behind Frosted Lace

Courting Sin

Double Coverage

Falling Back

Light from the Dark

Need You Now

One True Pair

River's Edge

and

Wicked Game

As soon as they finish delisting from all wide locations I'll enroll them. If you'd like to buy them directly from me until that time, you can click the covers >>>>> and follow the link. Just remember, I can't keep the Payhip links live while the books are in KU but you can email me for a direct link if you ever want something.

But now that I've gotten this far into the post, I realize that I might have lied about the change in attitude part, I'm still bitter about KU... but... needs must.

SIGHS!!!!

Thanks for hanging around to the end.

Peace,

Mercy

May and Other Oddities

 Hello.

How are we all doing this fine, almost summer but not quite summer but really is summer where I am, month?

Good, good, happy to hear that things are going as well as can be expected considering... waves vaguely at everything.

Lots of nothing going on here right now. Youngest kid just finished up their first year of college and is now recovering. Second oldest still living at home, is working on building their Twitch (I don't know what twitch is but they seem to put a lot of work into for nothing) hoping for monetization but that mile marker keeps moving on them. 

The grandson is growing. He's walking now. Talking a little. Loves Miss Rachel. I was happy not knowing who Miss Rachel was. But he's a sweetie. I have to baby proof my office now. It's dog proof but not baby proof. Dogs don't have hands and can't reach table tops.

What else is going on? Not much. No book sales to speak of. Of course, I no longer try to get the word out. There's only so much you can share before you feel like you're just spamming and have been put on ignore, if you know what I mean. 

Honestly, I don't have much of a social media presence at all lately. I no longer have Twitter and Instagram for reasons that have been hashed and rehashed. I still have FB. I will keep FB despite the... waves vaguely at things again. I have Bluesky, but like with Twitter, I don't like constantly sharing stuff and not knowing if I'm being seen or just annoying people. 

I know, you have to share it so people know it's there. But FB blocks all that, and Bluesky just feels like thousands of people flinging shit into the wind, at least to me. I did try in the beginning. I shared other people's stuff when I saw it. I interacted. Then I muted the sites with nothing but political postings. I do not want to be constantly bombarded with political rantings from any side of the shit show we are living in.

So, meh, it's done. I have moments of delusion that I want to write again, but I have 33 published works out there already that may as well just disappear. What little I am making right now does seem to be coming from Kobo Plus. March reads there came out to 136 bucks. I made less than a hundred on Amazon, and less than fifty combined on Apple, B&N, and D2D. I don't even bother keeping up with sales anymore. Beyond Complicated still sells regularly, the rest, not so much. No, I can't write anything like that again. By can't I mean won't. 

But sometimes I have ideas. Then they slip away. 

Right now, I'm focused on Ebay and resale. I'm trying to clean out my house to pay the bills. I had to choose between resale, crafts, and writing, and lord knows I hate going back to resale, but, can't pay the bills with crafts or writing anymore, so that's where I'm at. I chose. I didn't want to make the choice, but here we are.

I had considered a Kick*Start*Er campaign (done that way so as not to attract the spam bots) to fund the entire Scrimmage series print covers. I've always wanted to get the whole series out in matching covers. I was almost there twice but the cover artists just... waves vaguely again. I love the covers I have now, those are absolutely gorgeous and they all match but I would like to do new discreet covers that mimic those covers. Like maybe just a football as the main focus and keep the font and colors of the current covers. Something like that. I figured that would run around two thousand for all seven books.

But, if I can't reach anyone to buy my actual e-books then how am I going to reach people to fund a KSer? And then, the interest I've had with previous attempts at print has been very limited... sooo.

SIGHS

ANYWAYS!

Yeah, I'm a defeatist. I am defeated. Yet still I harp on it instead of taking action.

I think I'm going to write cozy paranormal mid-life women's murder fiction... but... I don't know how.

So here we are.

All of my books can be found in the sidebar >>>> 

Click the cover to find the buy links. If you really want to help me out, click the payhip link. You get a discount. I get the money immediately. Or you can find my linktree on the about me page located in the menu. I have my ko-fi and other funding sources listed there. I need two thousand to fund the covers, and two thousand a month to pay bills and buy food. It is what it is.

Happy May, 

Peace,

Mercy

Easter and Other Stuff

 It's been a minute. I figured if I was going to have a hissy fit and stop blogging then I should keep my word for once.

I mean, it's not like I have much to say. I'm still just going through the motions of a life at this point. Trying not to lose my house is becoming more than I can handle. If I could sell it and walk away with anything I would. The house across the street, three doors down, has been on the market for a couple months now. They're asking too much for it, but, it's still sitting there. I need about ten thousand dollars to fix some things so I can list it for top dollar. I don't think I can sell it as is. Some structure issues but it's mostly new carpet and odds and ends stuff like that. The pets have been hell on the flooring. It's that or watch it go into foreclosure..... yeah.

Not exactly what I wanted to talk about. 

I'm just tired. All the time. The bout of Covid during most of March has left me run down. I'm doing better lately. I can make it through most of a store without dying now. I gave up and just use the ride on carts. Me and half a million other people. Other than that I'm about back to normal. 

I have had Covid three times now. The first two times were the worst. The first time was before the vaccine. The second time was not long after the second dose. No I'm not saying I got it because of the vaccine. I got it because it went through my husband's job and he nearly died from it but not before he graciously shared it with me. This time was the same. It went through his job, and I got to enjoy it too. So much fun.

I lost a month to it. 

But I'm still above ground so that's something I guess.

We're having Easter this year for the first time in a long time. My son is bringing his baby over. We're going to fling some plastic eggs in the yard for little Squishy to "hunt". Little Squishy is fourteen months old, he just started walking, that's about all a itty bitty on tricky feet is going to manage for egg hunting. But we're going to have dinner, I have a ham, I don't particularly care for ham, so I have chicken too. And just do a bunch of easy sides. It will be nice. If the dogs don't eat the plastic eggs. Or other such mayhem occurs.

No, I haven't mentioned that I'm a Grandma before. I have reasons. Reasons I keep to myself. But, I have a grandson. He's adorable. He looks a bit like my son, squished with his mommy. It's going to be fun watching him run them ragged. Because he will.

And, the next kid in line will finish their first year of college in two weeks. I feel like this year went by fast. It seems like we were just getting ready for graduation only a few days ago. Aubrey will be nineteen in June. My oldest kid just turned thirty-four. It's... just... I still feel thirty-four some days. It's just so surreal, I guess. Aging. Knowing your time is growing smaller with each passing birthday. 

Don't mind me. April is a hard month for me. Both of my parent's birthdays are next week. Daddy will have been eighty-nine on Monday, he's been gone for fifteen years this July. And Mama would have been eight-two the following Sunday. She's been gone nearly nine years. They were both in their seventies. 

Mortality is plaguing my mind, as it usually does in April. My older kids are now middle-aged and I'm a senior citizen. It happened so fast.

Holidays and birthdays for people gone all in one week, no wonder I'm maudlin as hell right now.

SIGHS!

But I'm still here. Still above ground. Guess I just deal with it and keep on going. Even if I have to buy a scooter to do it.

So, about books and what I'm doing and shit like that--

I've been writing a little. I put Shinedown or Pink's Funhouse on in the background and the urge comes back. I've written many a book to those two artists. I'm trying to finish the straight married in Vegas romance I started a couple years ago. It haunts me. I'm so close to the end, sitting at fifty-two thousand words, yet so far, because it's like they haven't even gotten started with the consumating yet. I don't know what I'm going to do with it when I finish it. Probably nothing. My dwindling fan base doesn't read straight rom, (I've been told). I might release it under another name. I was going to use my real name for straight rom, but now that I have a Little Squishy, I might not. 

And then there's the whole I might not have the right to vote soon, because I took my husband's name thing. I'm seriously thinking about changing my name back to my birth name. I've been thinking that for a long time. 

Names and pen names and what to do... what to do? What would you do? I asked my youngest if they would mind if I went back... they very adamantly said it's that or lose the right to vote, there's no reason it would bother me.

And... about old books... they're there >>>>> I haven't updated the buy links to all of them yet, I was working on all of that when I got sick then I forgot. I have returned almost every book to Amazon, Apple, Kobo, Barnes and Noble, and Smashwords, (among other sites). I don't have all of the Scrimmage series up in all places, nor do I have my first two published books up in all places. Again, straight romance. Straight romance that's nearly twenty years old. Hell, Through the Ghost will be twenty this August. I wrote it twenty-one years ago. Sunny with a Chance is fifteen this year. Which means Mercy will be fifteen next year. 

Well... FUCK!

I guess I should do something to plan for that. Double Coverage, my first official Mercy Celeste book, published January 24th, 2011.

Guess that's the date to plan for.

And I suck at planning things.

Anyway, that's about all the rambling I have the spoons for today. 

I hope you have a happy holiday weekend, and I'll talk to you in May, if I survive this month.

Peace,

Mercy

Final February Update

 Hey, if you're reading this, I hope you're having a lovely final day of this wretched month. Or first day of March if you're already there. 

So, I thought I'd end this month with an update on bookish things.

Nothing major, just letting y'all know where all the books are in the journey to getting them as wide as possible.

First, I did return most of my books to Amazon, as I've probably said. I don't know what I've written before, I don't read my posts. I will not return those that are still missing. And I will never return to KU. It is what it is. I know that there are people who will never leave that hell site so, there they'll be until I'm kicked off.

And, I have not placed those same books with Draft 2 Digital for reaching sites like Tolino, and I won't. But the books that are successfully published on D2D are up on all basic book sales sites now. Including Smashwords. 

And I have successfully published a handful of them to library sites and Everand. Overdrive, which is the library lister that works with Libby I believe is either slow, or not going to publish most of them. Everand is the same. Still waiting on the bulk to make it through their listing process.

Everything is available on Kobo and in Kobo Plus. I still highly encourage you to get a Kobo Plus subscription if it's available in your country. 

I think one book is not published to Apple itunes ibooks whatever they call it. I will not bother with it. You won't miss it. I promise.

And then there's Barnes & Noble. I have updated and relisted 18 of the 27 titles I'd planned to relist with them. All 18 are published, but 3 titles have been removed from search and can only be found through direct link. I can't even find them by searching title and author. Beyond Complicated, Double Coverage, and for some reason Under a Crescent Moon are being actively suppressed there. I'll get the last 9 up over the next few days. As soon as I kick this bout of Covid.

AND! As books go live on sites, I've been updating the Books2Read app on D2D and updating the book pages here on the blog with the universal links tab. I'm about halfway through the stand alone titles and will start on the series next week or again, once I kick this bought of Covid.

And finally, my Payhip store. I haven't changed the prices to reflect the updated pricing scale for retail there yet. But everything is available in my Payhip store and I would honestly, prefer you bought directly from me there. I'm going to put that link in a tab on the menu bar above. But you can find a direct link on each book page, and in the universal links tab.

You'll also find print books and the twin banned book in my Payhip store.

That's about it for now.

Despite the Covid capping off a crappy month, I think I've gotten back into a decent pattern work wise. 

Maybe things will change in the near future. That is if the current administration doesn't kill us all.

Wishing you a great start to the Spring (or Fall) months.

Talk to ya later,

Peace.

Mercy