The last official post in my drafts says originally published on 12/30/25. Seven months ago, to the day.
If you're still hanging around hoping for me to get over my shit and post again, well, congratulations, today is the day. Also, hey, you're still here! Why are you still here? I don't deserve to have a single one of you... assuming there's more than one of you, that is. Thank you, and thanks for staying.
First answer to your unasked questions: No, I'm not over my shit. In fact, my shit is worse. Life sucked and got worse. I have too much on all of my plates and they're piled up on the counter molded over and gross. My plates.
I guess I figured nothing can get better if I ignore the only thing that kept me sane for so long.
So, I'm going to make an attempt to blog more often. No promises. I'm doing the best that I can. But I'm trying.
Second: nothing new really to talk about. Just be aware. I have not written a new word in years. I don't know if I can. Okay, I've started several new projects that never went anywhere. I am my own worst critic and I know it. Believe me, I've tried to get past it. I let the negative reviews overpower the positive and that's what I believe. I read so much trash now that poses as fiction, with great reviews and I can't help but wonder why those stories are so well reviewed but mine were shredded? AND... that's enough of that.
Third: Will there ever be anything new? I don't know. I'm trying to dig myself out of the pit I'm in. Mentally. Financially. Generally. Believe me, I'm as sick of myself as you probably are. That's the honest answer.
The hopeful answer is... maybe. I'm working on... sighs... I have to start with the old stuff to get to the new stuff. I need to grow past eBooks. Not that I think eBooks are ever going away. But the markets are shifting from eBooks and other forms of electronic streaming type content as the distributors prove dishonest or worst.
I'd love to put every single book into paperback. I have dabbled in it, but that was during the height of eBooks are king. People have moved back to wanting to own their media. I understand that. But it's expensive. It's all expensive. I have always meant to fund more audio books. I did one. I let it run for seven years and by the end I can safely say after all of the refunds I ended in a deficit with a negative experience that I've never wanted to duplicate.
What's changed? Nothing. I still do not want to go through the bull involved with audio books, but now, there are other options that have nothing to do with a certain distributor. And that unfortunately means fully funded upfront projects or it's not happening.
If I'm going to move forward, I have to go backward. I have 33 published books. I should be making enough passive income each month from those books to move forward. I do not. Most of my books never even get page reads. All of my more recent books have yet to reach a thousand paid units (including page reads).
God, she's complaining again!
The reality of this business is and always has been toxic. Writing, and I do mean really REALLY writing is hard, and it takes time and money, and I have neither. Never mind the decade of dealing with depression and anxiety so bad I barely function.
So... what's new? For real.
I'm going to re-start my long shuttered Patreon. I've dabbled with something that I'd like to share, in small sections. Something that I do not plan to officially publish but I'd like to share it anyway. It's a side story from Jude's POV following Diva. It's not finished, but I know where it's going. But this is not to say I'm ever going to write anything else from that series. I thought I'd give some closure at least and follow the side story. It's not a happy story. There will not be a HEA for anyone. And it will piss people off. Which, if I'm being honest, is why I haven't finished the series. Where I want to go, and where the reader wants to go are not on the same path.
And maybe if I can work through that, I'll start writing short ficlets while I figure out what path I need to take with the post middle-aged phase of my life. Like what do I want to write? Where does my passion lie. Is it romance? I don't think I write romance, exactly. I write more generic fiction with a romantic leaning.
Second: I've been playing with the idea of doing a Kickstarter campaign to help fund the aforementioned old projects. I believe I don't have the following to fully fund anything much less the thousands needed for an audiobook.
I need to do so much. I don't know where to start or how to start. I don't have a support system. But I think I'm finally in a place to at least, attempt to come back.
If that's okay with you... I'll keep you posted on what I'm doing, and how it's coming and if you're still here, I'll turn comments back on, but please, don't ask me about new Scrimmage books. I beg of you please to let that rest for a while.
Hoping all is well with you as we start the second half of this year.
Peace
Mercy
No comments:
Post a Comment