I'm trying something new. Okay, it's not new. I love to ramble. The thought train tracks in my head are all intersecting and the trains are coming perilously close to derailing. I state fact. I have not one single soul in my life to talk to about the shit in my head. Three people live in my house. They have their own interests and mine aren't important to them. This has been my life. No one has ever wanted to listen to me talk about the weird shit that occupies my mind. So I keep it all up there and sometimes that shit escapes.
Ah, okay, not really the way I wanted to start this post. I mean, I don't expect everyone to drop what they're doing to talk about me and my interests. I've done that for them, but never had it reversed. This is understandable. I mean what younger sibling, or kid you birthed wants to know what's going on with their parent figure. (I was the only real parent my younger siblings ever had so there's that tidbit... we don't talk now... I'm actually not upset about that). I'd say I didn't care about my parents inner workings, I did. They refused to share and didn't want to have conversations with their kids. They wanted to be left alone and not be bothered when they got home. I'm used to it. I, unfortunately, let my kids fall into that same pattern. It was torture to them to spend time with me. I tried. Aubrey has been the only kid that will spend time with me. We have things we do. Even if it's watching a couple of things on YouTube together that we both like. I couldn't get the older three to do that with me. They had each other. Aubrey has been, for the most part, an only child. True Alaina still lives at home. Alaina is autistic. She has no interest in anything that is not her current obsession. She does not like to spend more than ten minutes with other people. She can't interact with people. If she is not directly interested she does not give one shit. I understand Alaina, but, I also don't. I know it's her autism and severe social anxiety that causes this. I understand why she locks herself in her room and keeps to herself. Because I do too. But I also don't understand it, because I crave people to talk to and just get outside of my own damn head sometimes.
I'm an introvert. Now. I didn't start life as an introvert. I was shamed into becoming one by parents who didn't like overactive talkative children. I was isolated and broken. Parents who had no business having any children had 3 and proceeded to ignore and neglect all 3.
Ah, yeah, talk about trauma dumps. Sorry. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. The way I was raised. The way I raised my older kids. What I did wrong as a too young parent of 3. I thought I did my best. We were poor. Very poor. Daycare was very expensive even back then. I had no choice but to be a stay at home parent until Alaina started school. I did my best to get them into schools to help them academically. Drove them to out of district schools. Supported their extra-curricular stuff. I thought... doesn't matter what I thought. I did what I wanted my parents to do for me.
I'm getting off that topic before I start blubbering. Ah, my baby baby is grown now. It's just weird.
So... about yesterday's post and the Patreon possibility.
I think I'm going to pursue that. I unearthed my old account and started stripping the old stuff out of it. Remembered that to share manuscripts that I need BookFunnel. Went to BookFunnel and signed in. Remembered why I probably stopped using Patreon... yeah, that's gonna cost. I can do the entry level package. It's 20 bucks for a year, paid immediately. The entry level allows for 500 downloads. I am not sure if that's a month or for the whole year. I think it was per month. If I do 4 installments a month that would limit subscribers to 125 if I mathed right. Not that I feel like I'd attract that many subscribers now. Next tier is 5,000 downloads and 2 pen names. It's 80 dollars. It makes more sense. I don't have 80 dollars right now that I can spare.
I wonder if I can start at the lower level and upgrade if interest picks up?
That's for me to discover tonight when I get back from where ever it is I'm running to today.
If I can somehow manage to stick to a writing schedule and actually write 40k words in a month (I once could) this is how I would proceed. (now that I've had time to think about it)
One novella a month. First draft. Basic proofing. Nothing fancy. All subscribers would get a mention on the dedication page and a free ebook after publication. All first draft files will be removed one week after the initial month ends. And with luck the new book will start.
It's a lot. I'm not disciplined to write every night now. Life gets fucked up too much now. I used to write about 3,500 words a writing session. It's been a long time since I could do that. 3,500 words is roughly 10 full writing days for 35k words. So, if I'm aiming for a 35 to 45 thousand word novella a month, it should be doable. Right?
I know me. I can't make that promise.
I swear the inside of my head is my own worst enemy.
I think I want to do a fluffy smutty Hallmark Christmas story first. I've never done a fluffy hallmark Christmas story before. So, 125 of you interested in a smutty fluffy Christmas story?
We'll talk in a couple of days when I figure out what I'm doing... or if I chickenshit out.
Thanks for coming to my trauma dump... err... Sunday blog session.
Peace,
Mercy
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